is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
