Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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