Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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