The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
