all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
