I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize