You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
