Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
