Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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