Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
