Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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