I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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