Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
