I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
