the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Send help, water and tortillas.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
