i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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