Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
