this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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