Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
