Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
