Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
