So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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