Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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