That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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