All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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