we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
