But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
