so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
