You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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