I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
