i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am one with the molecules
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
