i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
