508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
