Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize