Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
