I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down