is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed