Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.