Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.