i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
