You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have aggressive nipples.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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