Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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