Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize