We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
