he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
