my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
