Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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