My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
