im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
