He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize