Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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