Your tits are I can't wait for
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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