Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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