I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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