He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
