Do you still have your period?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
