I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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