The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
