Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
that is very illegal...i love you.
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