I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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