fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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